Comedian

I'm an intellectual.

If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres.

If someone starts agreeing with me, I don't like it. Out of pique, I become something else.

I did six series for the BBC and that was enough. I've been writing for ten years, which is more challenging artistically.

I am quite girly.

Most of the Communists I knew were nice people.

If you travel to the States... they have a lot of different words than like what we use. For instance: they say 'elevator', we say 'lift'; they say 'drapes', we say 'curtains'; they say 'president', we say 'seriously deranged git.'

The journalists have obviously failed to capture my innate magnetism, humour and charisma, and they all need to be fired from their newspapers right away.

A lot of those comics can't hold down relationships and they've got no other life apart from performing. They sleep in their Jags and a lot of them can't even talk. All they can do is tell gags.

If sitcoms were easy to write, there'd be a lot of good ones, and there aren't.