Comedian

Every generation of children has its private hero.

I've always been interested in art.

Listening to Chris Moyles on Radio 1 is the most miserable thing any human being can do, but attending awards ceremonies isn't far behind.

The Romantic poets were the prototype ramblers, and I've often found myself following in their footsteps - although perhaps not all of their footsteps since a typical walk for Samuel T. Coleridge might last two days and cover 145km.

I find it hilarious that there are academics who try to analyse chemical changes in the brains of students while exposing them to gags.

My eyebrows could do with a trim.

Don Quixote's 'Delusions' is an excellent read - far better than my own forthcoming travel book, 'Walking Backwards Across Tuscany.'

My sister-in-law believes that few narratives are so tightly constructed that you can't skip boring bits and still keep abreast of what's going on.

Global warming, the ongoing destruction of the planet, Third World debt, the uselessness of the railways, the takeover by the corporations, the scary George Bush person: all these things are important and should be animating me into outrage. Yet somehow they do not.

About every four years, someone says to me, 'I've got a friend who looks exactly like you.' What can you say to this?

Obviously I am not bothered about men's fashion - is anyone, apart from Jonathan Ross?

The pun exists in a social and political void, caring nothing for the issues of its day, content merely to display itself in its small cleverness.

The best way to prepare for a night out with a Shakespearean tragedy is to do a bit of reading up in the afternoon, eat a light supper - perhaps Welsh rarebit - and then arrive early to do some stretching exercises in the foyer before curtain-up.

An uninspiring canvas becomes a glamorous masterpiece when it is reattributed to a better-known artist.

When I was eight or nine, I wrote a new version of 'Peter Pan' for the school play. They didn't use it - I imagine it was unperformable - but as recompense for not doing my script, I was offered any role, and instinctively went for Captain Hook. I came on trying to be terrifying, but everyone laughed at me.

It's worth turning up to an awards gig if you know you've won one but, since you never do know, it's not worth it.

Reading the play at home, however fulfilling, can never be the vivacious experience that Shakespeare intended.

Occasionally I find a travel book that is both illuminating and entertaining, where vivid writing and research replace self-indulgence and sloppy prose.

I've been trekking the hills and lanes of the British countryside for nearly four decades now and I've come to associate my passion with overexcited poets rather than pampered painters.

Acting is the most demanding, painful job in the world.