Comedian

Most single guys I know think fatherhood is terrifying.

I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.

There's something that's really fun about the challenge of making the mundane funny, too, I think.

I initially signed up for Twitter just to do jokes I wasn't going to do in my stand-up routine.

Manhattan's probably one of the bluest parts in the country, and Indiana's definitely one of the redder states. I have sympathy for both sides.

I worked on 'USA Today' as a topic for while. I tried to do something on hand chairs, chairs that look like hands. I really tried. But some topics are not truly universal.

I was the youngest of six kids, so yeah, feeding myself was important, but it's not like I was obsessed with food growing up.

I'm an eccentric, silly, observational guy, but I'm not gonna frighten off social conservatives.

I'm a comedian, which is the opposite of a lifestyle that equips you to be a parent.

I try to only eat animals that are vegan. I'm probably the opposite of a vegan.