Entertainer

Poker would have never gotten on TV when we only had three networks.

I'm always fascinated by the use of the first-person plural talking about sports.

We celebrities are desperate pigs.

When someone is trying to interpret something for you, they always have an agenda.

Everyone's goals are the same with very small differences. I mean, the goal of a socialist and the goal of a libertarian are exactly the same. The goals are happiness and security and freedom, and you balance those.

It wasn't success, because Teller and I, by the time Asparagus Valley got together - within a year, we had achieved all our goals. I mean, our goal was to earn our living doing exactly what we wanted. Which is many people's goal.

Once you have somebody that is telling you, 'We are interpreting God for you,' it seems like you either agree or you don't. You either say, like Martin Luther, 'I'm going to have a direct relationship with the word of God,' or I'm going to go through a conduit of God on Earth,' which would be the Pope.

I've voted Libertarian as long as I can remember, but I don't really remember much before the Clintons and the Bushes. Those clans made a lot of us bugnutty.

When I was 15, 16, 17 years old, I spent five hours a day juggling, and I probably spent six hours a day seriously listening to music. And if I were 16 now, I would put that time into playing video games.

If you want to turn out an atheist child, unconditional love constantly is a good way to do it.

People like Bill Maher, who brags about being a cynic, it sickens me. I am the least cynical person I know, and I am very, very skeptical.

I don't question things that go against what I believe very much. But boy, the stuff that I really want to believe, I really question a lot.

Every poker player is smarter than me.

If I go out to dinner with you and you order wine, I leave. I won't be around drugs and alcohol at all.

The only secret of magic is that I'm willing to work harder on it than you think it's worth.

I didn't learn fire-eating to conquer my fears. I learned fire-eating because I desperately wanted to be in show business.

I read a lot of books to my children, and they all seem really good. I think people have gotten really good at children's books.

Poker has the feeling of a sport, but you don't have to do push-ups.

If there are two things Penn & Teller stand for, it's the truth & lying, although not necessarily in that order.

When 9/11 hit, the second thing I said to myself was, 'This really is what religious people do.' Those people flying the plane were very good, very pious, truly faithful believers. There's no other way to paint them. Of course, they are extremists by definition, but they certainly aren't going against Islam in any real way.