Comedian

Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.

Dan ketika Anda menyadari Tuhan memberi Anda alat kelamin, otak, dan darah yang cukup untuk mengalir.

Being in the same room with people and creating something together is a good thing.

Okra is the closest thing to nylon I've ever eaten. It's like they bred cotton with a green bean. Okra, tastes like snot. The more you cook it, the more it turns into string.

It's hard when you read an article saying bad things about you. It is as if someone is sticking a knife on your heart. But I am the harshest critic of my work.

My style is bad white-boy dancing. I can do swing a little bit, but nothing beyond that. My solo dancing is sad. I use my arms, badly.

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.

I don't have a college degree, and my father didn't have a college degree, so when my son, Zachary, graduated from college, I said, 'My boy's got learnin'!'

Canada is like a loft apartment over a really great party.

Tidak peduli apa yang orang katakan, kata-kata dan ide dapat mengubah dunia.

If Heaven exists, to know that there's laughter, that would be a great thing.

My mother's idea of natural childbirth was giving birth without makeup. She was hyper-positive - the world is a wonderful place, rainbows and unicorns. If you said anything contrary to her, you were basically exiled.

Reality: What a concept!

I enjoy performing for heavily armed people. It's easier than going to Georgia.

I left school and couldn't find acting work, so I started going to clubs where you could do stand-up. I've always improvised, and stand-up was this great release. All of a sudden, it was just me and the audience.

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?