Comedian

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

I have a sidekick, Keith Robinson, who's very funny. I've known Keith for over 20 years; he's my best friend.

Back then, I was doing more of my impression of what a comic is supposed to do.

I was working at the NSA. I don't know, I was just bored. I just knew that's not what I was supposed to be doing with my life.

I have problems with YouTube and things like that, when you catch it mid production. If I'm doing a show and I'm working on a bit and someone's there with a phone, they record it and put it online - it's not the finished product.

It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people.

A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh.

The government shouldn't be involved in this because it's very simple. If you don't believe in same-sex marriage, then don't marry somebody of the same sex.

I enjoy stand-up because it has the biggest reward: instant gratification. You can hear the people laughing.

I'm constantly preparing. Material hits me; I'm always writing. I go back and listen to my shows and just prepare and put my set together. But the day of, I like to have some downtime. A nice lunch is important for me.

To me, in life, if there's, like, a rule, and I think it's ridiculous, then of course I'll circumvent that but also point out how ridiculous the rule is. Other than that, if I go to a concert, and my seat is Row G, Seat 12, I'm sitting in Row G, Seat 12. I don't care if I'm with five other friends, I'm supposed to be in Seat 12, that's my seat.

I remember, when I was a kid, my summers were pretty much running around, riding your bike, and then complaining about you were bored.

My shows and my material are grounded in reality. It's pretty much something that's either happened in my life or in the news, and I start there and give you my take on it.

I worked with people like Edward Snowden. Well, not people who took stuff home.

People are going to label you anyway, but the one that bugs me the most is when they say, 'One of the funniest female comedians.' There's s no 'funniest male comedians.' You're either a funny comedian, or you're not!

If I'm talking about something current, a current issue or something political, it's because I was able to read it when I was on the plane getting to the gig... a lot of it happens when I'm on the road because when I'm home, you're just mom, and that's it.

What drives the creative person is that we see it all.

If I did a talk show, this would allow me to speak on what's happening at that moment. I can be current, and I get to flex my stand-up muscle but stay at home without doing the traveling.

I don't like doing the same material over and over again. It's not fun.

I had real big boobs, and I just got tired of knocking over stuff. Every time I eat, 'Oh, Lord'. I'd carry a Tide stick everywhere I go. My back was sore, so it was time to have a reduction.