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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

- Alan King
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Author:
Alan King
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.

When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day.

Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.

That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.

Right when I started in show... Milton Berle was my first idol. When I was a kid, I went to see Milton at Lowe's State, and I never laughed so much, and I said, 'That's who I want to be; that's what I want to be.'

As a parent, I'd - I'd be a better father.

Performing is just standing up there and doing something. Performance takes on an edge to it. It has a more dramatic context.

And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.

Did you hear the one about the elderly Jew on his deathbed who sent for a priest, after declaring to his astonished relatives that 'I want to convert.' Asked why he would become a Catholic, after living all his life as a Jew, he answered: 'Better one of them should die than one of us.'

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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.