People used to say I'm regional, but I'm not... We all have the same human condition.
Copied to Clipboard
Copied to Clipboard
Anything I write that I consider stage-quality work, I won't give my TV show. I put it in my live show.
Copied to Clipboard
Copied to Clipboard
Let's face it: a lot of my material comes from the stuff that happens to me on the road.
Copied to Clipboard
Copied to Clipboard
When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.
Copied to Clipboard
Copied to Clipboard
I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.
Copied to Clipboard
Copied to Clipboard
You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered.
Copied to Clipboard
Copied to Clipboard
As a small child, I could watch anything happen and tell a story, and it was funny.
Copied to Clipboard
Copied to Clipboard
My life has been wild enough to derive all of the stories you need out of it. I've been through many, many years of behavioral problems, so I don't really look outside for stories.
Copied to Clipboard
Copied to Clipboard
I begged the universe to make me a famous comedian, and it did. So I tend not to ask for any more.