I don't eat huge amounts, I'm just very lazy. But then this story appeared about me being on a diet and several weeks later I was snapped on holiday with my ''new physique'' on display, which was basically my old physique under a baggy T-shirt. I hadn't been on any diet. But I felt I had to live up to it.
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I get looks like I can't raise my child, but I can.
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I've heard that my father was a really funny man in company, but I never got to see that side of him. I was just 17 when he died, and he didn't know that I was funny.
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It's such a lie that women go for funny men.
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I'm sure there are comedians who make jokes about me, but say something funny, not mean.
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If you can help it, don't be rude to people. When you're rude about someone and the audience laugh you can't deny that it's a bullying laugh.
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I can sit and write clever things, but that never quite works as well as when I'm just chatting about stupid things in the moment.
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Men need to be with women otherwise I don't think they really know how to behave. They'll just stare at me and it's awkward, so I scramble around in my mind to say the rudest things I can think of just to get something out of them.
