"A writer's job is to tell the truth." — Andy Rooney

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.

Vegetarian; merupakan kata India kuno yang berarti pemburu yang buruk.

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly.

The Super Bowl isn't for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account.

All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.

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A writer's job is to tell the truth.