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I have lived a carnal life.

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What am I responsible for? Who am I responsible to? Everybody? How come when Archie Bunker nailed everybody, it was funny - but when I do it, it's not?

Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.

So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there.

I guess my main influences are Jesus, rock 'n' roll and ex-wives. In that order.

I'm so tired of men who are afraid to hurt women's feelings.

I'm not going to give up the shock part of my comedy.

When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.

Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days... Not all in a row.

I'd rather entertain people than offend them.

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I have lived a carnal life.

I have lived a carnal life.

I have lived a carnal life.

I have lived a carnal life.

I have lived a carnal life.

I have lived a carnal life.

I have lived a carnal life.

I have lived a carnal life.

I have lived a carnal life.

I have lived a carnal life.

I have lived a carnal life.

I have lived a carnal life.

I have lived a carnal life.

I have lived a carnal life.

I have lived a carnal life.