Nobody ever wrote better about domestic things than Robert Benchley.
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I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?
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Some people have such a talent for making the best of a bad situation that they go around creating bad situations so they can make the best of them.
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Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he becomes polite.
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Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.
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Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?
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You don't seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich person who is unhappy. Because the poor person has hope. He thinks money would help.
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When the grandmothers of today hear the word 'Chippendales', they don't necessary think of chairs.
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The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.