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My first car was a 1999 red Mazda Protege.

- Ike Barinholtz
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Author:
Ike Barinholtz
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You don't want to have to come into work on Monday already apologizing. I try to save my apologies for what I've done later in the week.

I'm a big crier in general. The right life insurance commercial will take me out for a couple of days.

I used to teach improv courses in Amsterdam where we would do team-building exercises, and they can go south very quickly.

I've been pretty lucky with neighbors. But back in 1998, I lived, like, literally next door to Wrigley Field in Chicago. And I had, like, 50,000 bad neighbors spread out over the course of one summer. I'm a diehard Cubs fan, but living right next to the ballpark, it's just - as you're trying to go to sleep, you can just, like, hear urination.

The first two years I was on 'MADtv' were really, really fun. We always thought it was 'Saturday Night Live's very nice, slightly asthmatic, shorter cousin.

There's nothing like taking two flights when you have a horrible hangover. It's bad when people can see actual alcohol seeping out of your disgusting pores.

I'm more scared of parking by a parking meter than vampires because one of them is real and adversely affects my life and results in a $35 fine, and one is nonsense.

I feel like we've already seen the burger truck, we've seen the lobster-roll truck. There's even healthy-food trucks now. But a big-thick-pizza truck? Come on, man. That'd be amazing.

I'm a big crier in general. The right life insurance commercial will take me out for a couple of days. I watched Hillary Clinton on the news the other day, and I got choked up by Hillary Clinton.

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My first car was a 1999 red Mazda Protege.

My first car was a 1999 red Mazda Protege.

My first car was a 1999 red Mazda Protege.

My first car was a 1999 red Mazda Protege.

My first car was a 1999 red Mazda Protege.

My first car was a 1999 red Mazda Protege.

My first car was a 1999 red Mazda Protege.

My first car was a 1999 red Mazda Protege.

My first car was a 1999 red Mazda Protege.

My first car was a 1999 red Mazda Protege.

My first car was a 1999 red Mazda Protege.

My first car was a 1999 red Mazda Protege.

My first car was a 1999 red Mazda Protege.

My first car was a 1999 red Mazda Protege.

My first car was a 1999 red Mazda Protege.