Now, today is the day we honor, of course, the Presidents, ranging from George Washington, who couldn't tell a lie, to George Bush, who couldn't tell the truth, to Bill Clinton, who couldn't tell the difference.
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You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.
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Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
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You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh... it's as simple as that.
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Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.
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Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.
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The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.
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The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
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Major league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games, because they say fans fight over them and they get hurt. In fact, the Florida Marlins said that's why they never hit any home runs. It's a safety issue.
