Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.
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I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: 'Oh well,' and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.
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What we've discovered is that Americans seem to love our saucy humor.
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I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be.
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I have a mental age of about 17. Far too young for marriage.
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I'm single. I don't have a family. I certainly don't have to work. I don't want to be the richest man in the cemetery.
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I changed it to Leslie Hill, only that seemed more like a cocktail pianist. Eventually, being an admirer of Jack Benny, I took his name.
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If you can mix glamor and gags, then you can catch the audience twice over.