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That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.

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Do unto others, then run.

Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.

I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: 'Oh well,' and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.

What we've discovered is that Americans seem to love our saucy humor.

I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be.

I have a mental age of about 17. Far too young for marriage.

I'm single. I don't have a family. I certainly don't have to work. I don't want to be the richest man in the cemetery.

I changed it to Leslie Hill, only that seemed more like a cocktail pianist. Eventually, being an admirer of Jack Benny, I took his name.

If you can mix glamor and gags, then you can catch the audience twice over.

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That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.

That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.

That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.

That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.

That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.

That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.

That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.

That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.

That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.

That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.

That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.

That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.

That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.

That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.

That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.