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What happens is when you have a kid, you are a unique human being, so you are going to have a unique experience. No one can really tell you what youre going to feel.

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You probably need 1/10 of the world's population for us to continue to exist. There's just too many damn people. You have to somehow get us from 7 billion people to... I don't know what the magic number is, but I imagine at some point, that will happen. And I don't know about you, but I don't think I'm making the cut.

I used to think you had to live this miserable life and that that would make you funnier, but you don't. The misery will come. The misery will find you.

You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can't believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me.

Podcasting is great. Total freedom.

That's kind of my job in the writer's room. I'm always the guy going, like, 'People wouldn't say that there. They wouldn't say that.' Like, I hate when I watch sitcoms and something crazy happens, and people just kind of go, 'Huh?' and then they just go on.

I gotta be honest with you. I'm kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels?

I can't quite remember who I voted for president. It wasn't Trump or Hillary, though. I didn't like either one of them.

If you do live shows long enough as a comedian, you can still hear that rhythm of laughing. It's ingrained in you, and it's not something you can really teach somebody. It comes from doing hours and hours and hours and years and decades on stage, performing in front of live crowds.

You have to show up at 7 in the morning and be on like it's 9 at night. It's a skill. Some comics run from it, and they hate doing it, but the comics that are pros understand how important it is, and they get good at it.

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What happens is when you have a kid, you are a unique human being, so you are going to have a unique experience. No one can really tell you what youre going to feel.

What happens is when you have a kid, you are a unique human being, so you are going to have a unique experience. No one can really tell you what youre going to feel.

What happens is when you have a kid, you are a unique human being, so you are going to have a unique experience. No one can really tell you what youre going to feel.

What happens is when you have a kid, you are a unique human being, so you are going to have a unique experience. No one can really tell you what youre going to feel.

What happens is when you have a kid, you are a unique human being, so you are going to have a unique experience. No one can really tell you what youre going to feel.

What happens is when you have a kid, you are a unique human being, so you are going to have a unique experience. No one can really tell you what youre going to feel.

What happens is when you have a kid, you are a unique human being, so you are going to have a unique experience. No one can really tell you what youre going to feel.

What happens is when you have a kid, you are a unique human being, so you are going to have a unique experience. No one can really tell you what youre going to feel.

What happens is when you have a kid, you are a unique human being, so you are going to have a unique experience. No one can really tell you what youre going to feel.

What happens is when you have a kid, you are a unique human being, so you are going to have a unique experience. No one can really tell you what youre going to feel.

What happens is when you have a kid, you are a unique human being, so you are going to have a unique experience. No one can really tell you what youre going to feel.

What happens is when you have a kid, you are a unique human being, so you are going to have a unique experience. No one can really tell you what youre going to feel.

What happens is when you have a kid, you are a unique human being, so you are going to have a unique experience. No one can really tell you what youre going to feel.

What happens is when you have a kid, you are a unique human being, so you are going to have a unique experience. No one can really tell you what youre going to feel.

What happens is when you have a kid, you are a unique human being, so you are going to have a unique experience. No one can really tell you what youre going to feel.