Verbal contracts are about as useful as a fart on a treadmill.

Male writers don't want to be judged in the room. They want to be able to scarf an entire bag of potato chips while cracking fart jokes and making lewd comments without fear of feminine disapproval. But we're your co-workers, not your wives.

I'd like to think I'd never do a gratuitous fart joke.

I'd like to think I'd never do a gratuitous fart joke.

I had this website that, at one point, I listed myself as 'actor, writer, comedian, and fart enthusiast' just because I thought that would be a really clear joke.

Girls don't poop, so don't claim you do. You can fart - because farting is funny - but we don't want to know that you poop.

I can make the best fart noises. I can make, like, 10 different sounds at different levels.

At my age, you sort of fart your way into a role.

If I fail, the film industry writes me off as another statistic. If I succeed, they pay me a million bucks to fly out to Hollywood and fart.

At a certain point, you have to face the fact that you've turned into an old fart.

I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.

I tell a lot of fart and poop jokes. I can't help it. I have no filter, and it just comes out.

I didn't want to do a throwaway, mindless movie with fart jokes just to make 6-year-olds laugh. I want to provide my children with some substance.

My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away.

If you let go of fart jokes, you've let go of a piece of humanity.

I want to become so successful that if I wanna fart on a track, I can, and it will sell.

My ex-boyfriend didn't hear me fart once, and we were together six years. I hated the thought of grossing him out, so I think some things should be left to do privately.

I wouldn't fart in front of my wife, and she wouldn't do it in front of me.

I wouldn't fart in front of my wife, and she wouldn't do it in front of me.

I burp, I fart. I'm a real woman.