Ted Lasso Quotes

By | 24.08.2022
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Taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, isn’t it? If you’re comfortable while you’re doing it, you’re probably doing it wrong. Ted Lasso quotes

Don’t let the wisdom of age be wasted on you. Ted Lasso

Back where I’m from, you try to end a game in a tie; well, that might as well be the first sign of the apocalypse. Ted Lasso

Hey, hey, hey! If we see each other in our dreams. Let’s goof around a little bit, pretend like we don’t know each other. Ted Lasso

You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. You know why? It’s got a 10-second memory. Be a goldfish, Sam. Ted Lasso

If that’s a joke, I love it. If not, can’t wait to unpack that with you later. Ted Lasso

Ties and no playoffs? Why do you even do this? Ted Lasso

If you would have told me that I’d be drinking tea at 3 o’clock every day, about a year ago… I would have punched you in the mouth. Ted Lasso

Fellas, I could watch you do this jaunty North Korean military thing you do all day, but I need a favor. Ted Lasso

You’re telling me I could shatter every bone in my body, someone could just drop me off in front of any old hospital, dumped into a garbage can or something, and y’all patch me up, and I don’t have to pay jack squat? I tell you; I love this country. Ted Lasso

Look, we are not playing for a tie. Ain’t nobody here gonna kiss their sister…which is an American phrase that I’m now realizing does not exist here, and that’s good, ‘cause it’s creepy, and I hate it myself; I don’t know why I said it. Ted Lasso

I always figured that tea was just gonna taste like hot brown water. And you know what? I was right. Yeah, it’s horrible. No, thank you. Ted Lasso

Coach. Football is life. Ted Lasso

We’re gonna call this drill ‘The Exorcist’ cause it’s all about controlling possession. Ted Lasso

When it comes to locker rooms, I like ’em just like my mother’s bathing suits. I only wanna see ’em in one piece. Ted Lasso

I do love a locker room. It smells like potential. Ted Lasso

Tea is horrible. Absolute garbage water. I don’t know why y’all do that. Ted Lasso

Come on Rob! You gotta get it in there to get three points! Ted Lasso

If the internet has taught us anything, it’s that sometimes it’s easier to speak our minds anonymously. Ted Lasso

I always thought that tea was just gonna taste like hot brown water. And you know what? I was right. It’s horrible. No, thank you. Ted Lasso

Guys have underestimated me my entire life. And for years, I never understood why. It used to really bother me. But then one day, I was driving my little boy to school, and I saw this quote by Walt Whitman, and it was painted on the wall there. It said, ‘Be curious, not judgmental.’ I like that. Ted Lasso

If God would have wanted games to end in a tie, she wouldn’t have invented numbers. Ted Lasso

Jamie, I think that you might be so sure that you’re one in a million, that sometimes you forget that out there, you’re just 1 of 11. And if you just figure out some way to turn that ‘me’ into ‘us’…the sky’s the limit for you. Ted Lasso

Even Woody and Buzz got under each other’s plastic. Ted Lasso

Be honest with me. It’s a prank, right? The tea? Like when us tourist folks aren’t around, y’all know it tastes like garbage? You don’t love it. It’s pigeon sweat. Ted Lasso

For me, success is not about the wins and losses. It’s about helping these young fellas be the best versions of themselves on and off the field. Ted Lasso

You beating yourself up is like Woody Allen playing the clarinet. I don’t want to hear it. Ted Lasso

I promise you there is something worse out there than being sad, and that’s being alone and being sad. Ain’t no one in this room alone. Ted Lasso

On whether or not he believes in ghosts: “I do. But more importantly, I think they need to believe in themselves. You know? Ted Lasso

Will you explain to me how that was offside? No! I’m asking you. Seriously! Explain offside to me. It makes no sense. Ted Lasso

It’s like a muffin, except it sucks all the spit out of your mouth. Ted Lasso

Our goal is to go out like Willie Nelson—on a high! Ted Lasso

Back where I’m from, you try to end a game in a tie; well, that might as well be the first sign of the apocalypse. Ted Lasso

I think I literally have a better understanding of who killed Kennedy than what is offside. It was the mob. Ted Lasso

I think one of the neatest things about being a coach is the connection you get to make with your players. That’s a loss that hits me a lot harder and is gonna stay with me a lot longer than anything that happens while playing a game on a patch of grass. Ted Lasso

I know change can be scary. One minute, you are playing freeze tag out there at recess with all your buddies. Next thing you know, you’re getting zits, your voice gets low. And every time your art teacher, Ms. Scanlon, leans over your desk to check and see how your project’s going, you feel all squiggly inside. Ted Lasso

You are more mysterious than David Blaine reading a Sue Grafton novel at Area 51. Ted Lasso

On famous soccer players: “You got Ronaldo and the fellow who bends it like himself. Ted Lasso

I think that’s what it’s all about. Embracing change. Ted Lasso quotes

We’re gonna call this drill ‘The Exorcist’ ’cause it’s all about controlling possession. Ted Lasso

Because he’s the one, coach. If we’re gonna make an impact here, the first domino needs to fall right inside of that man’s heart. Ted Lasso

Divorce is hard. It doesn’t matter if you’re the one leaving or if…you’re the one who got left. It makes folks do crazy things. Ted Lasso

One more person says something to me and Beard don’t understand. I’m gonna have one of my son’s classic temper tantrums. It’s basically just him calling me a bunch of silly names, you know, like, I don’t know, ‘dummy head’ or ‘poo-poo face’ ‘pee-pee fingers.’ Ted Lasso

Coach: “Manchester United. Super rich. Everyone either loves them or hates them.”
Lasso: “Dallas Cowboys.”
Coach: “Liverpool. Used to be great. Haven’t won a title in a really long time.”
Lasso: “Also the Dallas Cowboys.” Ted Lasso

All right, fellas, you gotta remember, your body is like day-old rice. If it ain’t warmed up properly, something real bad could happen. Ted Lasso

Tea and I are still on a lifelong hiatus. Ted Lasso

If the internet has taught us anything, it’s that sometimes it’s easier to speak our minds anonymously. Ted Lasso

Early drinkin’ means quick drunken. Ted Lasso

If God wanted games to end in a tie, She wouldn’t have invented numbers, all right? Ted Lasso

I haven’t seen someone that disappointed to see me since I wore a red baseball cap to a Planned Parenthood fundraiser. Ted Lasso

I’m not sure what y’all’s smallest unit of measurement is here, but that’s about how much headway I made. Ted Lasso

How many countries are in this country? Ted Lasso

It’s just a group of people who care, Roy. Not unlike folks at a hip-hop concert whose hands are not in the air. Ted Lasso

On Rebecca: “She’s got some fences, alright, but you just gotta hop over ’em.” Ted Lasso

That right there, that’s a scone. Tastes like a muffin except it sucks all the spit out of your mouth. Ted Lasso

So I’ve been hearing this phrase y’all got over here that I ain’t too crazy about. ‘It’s the hope that kills you.’ Y’all know that? I disagree, you know? I think it’s the lack of hope that comes and gets you. See, I believe in hope. I believe in belief. Ted Lasso

Explaining the offside rule in soccer: “I’m gonna put it the same way the US Supreme Court did back in 1964 when they defined pornography. It ain’t easy to explain, but you know it when you see it. Ted Lasso

I’m not exactly sure what y’all’s smallest unit of measurement is over here, but that’s about how much headway I made. Ted Lasso

Be honest with me. It’s a prank, right? The tea? Like when us tourist folks aren’t around, y’all know it tastes like garbage? You don’t love it. Its pigeon sweat. Ted Lasso

You gonna give me the cold shoulder and the silent treatment. That’s a combo. Does it come with a medium drink? Ted Lasso

Little tip for y’all. Fries are called chips. Chips are called crisps. And bangers aren’t great songs, but they do make you feel like dancing because they’re so darn tasty. Ted Lasso

Well then by all means you should let them control you! Ted Lasso

She’s got some fences, alright, but you just gotta hop over ’em. Ted Lasso

I believe in hope. I believe in Believe. Ted Lasso

This woman is strong, confident, and powerful. Boss, I tell you, I’d hate to see you and Michelle Obama arm wrestle, but I wouldn’t be able take my eyes off of it either. Ted Lasso

We’re gonna try it on and see if it fits. It might not. Then again, it might be a very flattering silhouette. I might wear it right out of the store. Makes me feel good, start to strut. Oooh, I like this. I like the way this makes me feel. Ted Lasso

Well, as my doctor told me when I got addicted to fettuccine Alfredo, that’s a little rich for my blood. Ted Lasso

I come bearing sweet treats to numb the sting of defeat. Ted Lasso

Roy, I learned two pretty big lessons on the rough and tumble playgrounds of Bookridge Elementary School. One, if little Ronnie Fouch offers you a candy bar, you immediately say no and get the hell out of there cause there’s a good chance that little son of a gun has pooped inside of a Butterfinger wrapper. No one ever saw him do it, but a couple people ate it. Number two, teacher tells a bully not to pick on someone, it’s just gonna make it worse. Ted Lasso

The idea behind every trick play is to have chaos rain down upon your opponents and stun them. Much like the lava did to those poor folks in Pompeii. Ted Lasso

Seems like a smurf with an attitude would be a lot of fun to watch. Ted Lasso

Boy, I love meeting people’s moms. It’s like reading an instruction manual as to why they’re nuts. Ted Lasso

I feel like I just fell out of the lucky tree, hit every branch on the way down, and ended up in a pool of cash and sour patch kids. Ted Lasso

Sounds to me like someone’s trapped inside life’s most complicated shape. A love triangle. Second place of course is the ‘I just walked in on my mother-in-law changing into her swimsuit dodecahedron. Ted Lasso

We all know speed is important. But being able to stop and change directions quickly? Well, that’s like Kanye’s 808s & Heartbreak. It don’t get nearly enough credit. Ted Lasso

If I didn’t have any confidence, I never would’ve worn pajamas to my prom and ended up in jail the rest of that night. Ted Lasso

I’m looking forward to the definition of relegation. Ted Lasso

You tore your butt. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. Ted Lasso

Takin’ on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse. If you’re comfortable while you’re doin’ it, you’re probably doin’ it wrong. Ted Lasso

You two knuckleheads have split our locker room in half. And when it comes to locker rooms, I like ’em just like my mother’s bathing suits. I only wanna see ’em in one piece, you hear? Ted Lasso

You say impossible, but all I hear is ‘I’m possible. Ted Lasso

Knock-a-doodle-doo! Ted Lasso

I like my water like Kyrie Irving likes his Earth. Flat. Ted Lasso

I’ve never met someone who doesn’t eat sugar. Only heard about ’em, and they all live in this godless place called Santa Monica. Ted Lasso

I think if you care about someone and you got a little love in your heart, there ain’t nothin you can’t get through together. Ted Lasso

You know how they say that ‘youth is wasted on the young’? Well, I say don’t let the wisdom of age be wasted on you. I just came up with that. I feel pretty good about it. Ted Lasso

This is a sad moment right here. For all of us. And there ain’t nothing I can say, standing in front of you right now, that can take that away. But please do me this favor, will you? Lift your heads up and look around this locker room. Yeah? Look at everybody else in here. And I want you to be grateful that you’re going through this sad moment with all these other folks. Because I promise you, there is something worse out there than being sad, and that is being alone and being sad. Ain’t nobody in this room alone. Let’s be sad now. Let’s be sad together. And then we can be a gosh-darn goldfish. Onward. Forward. Ted Lasso

In my mind, you gotta have three things to be a Premier League team. 1) You gotta play physical. 2) you gotta give 100 percent until the final whistle and 3) you gotta be sponsored by a Middle-Eastern airline. Ted Lasso

If y’all were really introverts, you would’ve been quiet as a church mouse. Unless that church was Westboro Baptist. Those turkeys won’t shut up. Ted Lasso

On scones: “It’s like a muffin, except it sucks all the spit out of your mouth. Ted Lasso

Ice cream’s the best. It’s kinda like seeing Billy Joel live. Never disappoints. Ted Lasso

Coach Beard’s views on romantic relationships are not too dissimilar from his views on cooking steak. You know, you spend any more than five minutes on one — it loses its flavor. Ted Lasso

Hey, takin’ on a challenge is a lot like ridin’ a horse. If you’re comfortable while you’re doin’ it, you’re probably doin’ it wrong. Ted Lasso

I gotta say, man, sometimes you remind me of my grandma with the channel hopper. You just push all the wrong buttons. Ted Lasso

If I didn’t have any confidence, I never would’ve worn pajamas to my prom and ended up in jail the rest of that night. Ted Lasso

I feel like we fell out of a lucky tree, hit every branch on the way down, ended up in a pool full of cash and Sour Patch Kids. Ted Lasso

I like the idea of someone becoming rich because of what they gave to the world, not just because of who their family is. Ted Lasso quotes

On the Diamond Dogs: “It’s just a group of people who care, Roy. Not unlike folks at a hip-hop concert whose hands are not in the air. Ted Lasso

It’s funny to think about the things in your life that can make you cry just knowing that they existed, can then become the same thing that make you cry knowing that they’re now gone. Ted Lasso

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