Actress

There's something I want to say, and I haven't been able to articulate it yet, about how it's so rude when people don't admit that they have a nanny.

A lot of comics will say that the thing about specials now is that they're not special anymore because there are so many of them, and they come and go, and they're not really talked about. They just kind of come and go.

I think that's one of the reasons women don't tell people when they've had a miscarriage - they think it's their fault.

Aside from Joan Rivers and Roseanne, it's hard for me to think of any female comedian who's had kids and has a serious level of fame - like, the level where your mother has heard of them.

Even now, when I go out people are like, 'What are you doing here? Didn't you just have a baby?' But people never ask a male comic when he's out a week later, like, 'Oh my God, you're so irresponsible! What are you doing out? Who is taking care of the baby?'

The audience is so important. Because there's something that I might think is super funny, but if it's just not getting the feedback, I have to let it go.

I think Asian men are beautiful.

Making people laugh was the only thing I ever truly excelled at. But at home, I was so quiet with my family, which taught me to be really observant.

A lot of people like to ask me, 'Ali, how on earth do you balance family and career?' Men never get asked that question. Because they don't.

I'm addicted to picking my nose. In a world of red tape and bureaucracy, where it takes forever to buy a house or get a cell-phone plan going, it's so instant to just stick your finger up there and go for something your own body produces.

The more socially conscious you are, the better the work you make.

My dad was a doctor, and he would tell us a lot of nasty, funny stories from the hospital. It was funny to me when I'd go over to other people's houses and they didn't talk about intestines at the table.

It's very rare and unusual to see a female comic perform pregnant.

I'm discovering, and I think other mums are discovering too, that when you become a mum, you don't have to change into this frumpy, wholesome role model who is perfect and loses all of your identity. You can still have the same personality you've always had.

Some useful advice for all of my Asian-American brothers and sisters - never go paint-balling with a Vietnam veteran.

Mothering is just so different now from the way it was before. Especially with my mom. She was like the anti-helicopter mom. She was like an inflatable-tube, blow-up-flamingo-in-the-pool mom. Her philosophy was, the situation will declare itself.

Stand-up is no bureaucracy. No one can tell me what to do or not to do.

I always really loved comedy. It's the only thing I was ever good at.

People are always very surprised by how, offstage with my husband, I'm a completely different person... very soft and nurturing.

The word 'supportive' has no place in stand-up comedy. I hate when people are like, 'Support female comedy.' That's not a real genre of comedy. I think if you have true respect for women as three-dimensional creators who are innovative, you wouldn't group them together like that.