Comedian

If you're just a nice guy - you don't let people walk on you - but if you're just a nice guy and treat people right, good things happen.

It's fun being Bill Engvall.

I learned that you don't take dishes from the table to the dishwasher; you have to rinse them first. I think that's stupid because I don't go out in the back yard and hose off before taking a shower.

I like to hang on to cars. I'm not one of these guys that goes flipping cars all the time. If I find a car I like, I stick with it.

I've learned in my older age that sexy gets you further than brains.

America loves to watch people growing and getting better.

What I do is not regional comedy, and it is not based in the southern area.

I always wanted to be an actor. I always wanted to be John Wayne.

If you lived next door to me and didn't know what I did, you wouldn't know I was a celebrity. I don't have that lifestyle, nor do I want that lifestyle. I want to know that I can have a separate life with my wife and my kids and just be normal and go camping and fishing and outdoor stuff.

I have been passed over on some things because people didn't think I was edgy enough. But the people who took those gigs are gone now, and I am still here.

I'm a California Angels fan because that's the first game my dad took me to see, and they stuck with me.

I travel fairly lightly because you have to these days. I always take a laptop and an iPod so I can watch movies and listen to music. And my Gameboy. That's a good time-killer.

My goal is for 'The Bill Engvall Show' to be a show the networks look at and say, 'Ooh, maybe we should get back to the family sitcom.'

I used to hunt and fish.

I have fun on stage, so people think maybe they should, too.

I can't count the number of times I've been sound asleep, woke up, and I was doing my hair.

No sooner my kids leave their friends than they start texting them. And it's all in code in a language I totally don't understand.

Now people live into their 90s and beyond. As long as I have quality of life, I'm good.

My favorite road trip ever is when my wife and I took an RV around the country. We just had the best time.

It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy.