Journalist

Nothing is as embarrassing as watching your boss do something you assured him couldn't be done.

Nonchalance is the ability to remain down to earth when everything else is up in the air.

He was so honest you could play craps with him over the phone.

One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.

A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.

The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election.

Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.

Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.

Middle Age - later than you think and sooner than you expect.

Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.

Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.

You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.

Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death.

Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.

Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously.

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.

To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible.