Actor

When you've been on a programme called 'An Idiot Abroad' job offers aren't exactly flying in.

Chinese people age overnight.

I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that's all you can do in life, really.

I really can't believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand.

I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla's just sat there doing nowt.

For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see.

I don't think I'd be a very good parent. I'd be too honest.

We'll all die out eventually. Humans will be gone. And all I'm saying is, when people worry about polar bears disappearing or whatever, it's like, 'Well that's life, things will come and go, we'll find new species.'

To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don't need any spoiling or looking after.

Comedy's really subjective, you know; that's why it's so hard.

I'd say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they're meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about.

Being honest with you, it's not the 'great' wall of China. It's an all right wall. It's the 'All Right Wall of China.'

I've learnt that, even though I've travelled about, I haven't changed that much.

I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave.

I don't know what the future is, but you just do it whilst it's there, don't you?

I love nature - it's probably my most favorite thing. I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there.

With evolution, things are always changing, so I sort of think: Should we all be growing three heads?

At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is.

People eat duck and you think, well, we've got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone!

Getting old is better than being young. You can do what you want to do.