Comedian

There's a difference between being a comic and a comedian. A comic is a guy who says funny things, and a comedian is a guy who says things funny, and he has a style and point of view that will last much longer.

There's a difference between being a comic and a comedian. A comic is a guy who says funny things, and a comedian is a guy who says things funny, and he has a style and point of view that will last much longer.

Like every comedian, if I heard a joke that I thought would work, I used it.

Jika kesempatan tidak kunjung datang maka buatlah kesempatan tersebut.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Jika kesempatan tidak mengetuk, buatlah sebuah pintu.

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it helps you look for it in a lot more places.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

I received a lot of complaints from parents who wrote and told me that their kids wouldn't go to sleep until our show was over. So I went on the air and told all the children watching to 'listen to their Uncle Miltie and go to bed right after the show.'

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.

I have a file of four million jokes... I have them cross-indexed. Whatever subject you want, I have a joke on it.

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now.

Jika kesempatan tidak mengetuk,bangun sebuah pintu.

They've finally comes up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?

Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Now a 'funnyman' can get a laugh before opening his mouth - looking funny. Lou Costello was one of your great funnymen. Harry Langdon, Larry Semon; they were all funnymen - they looked funny. W.C. Fields was never a comedian. Slim Summerville was a comedian, yet looked funny. Now if you have both attributes, you are in good shape.