Entertainer

If you can laugh together, you can work together.

Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.

Telling a joke is risk taking. Younger people are more insecure and not willing to put themselves on the line, so a quick one-liner is much safer.

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.

Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.

Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.

President Ford used humor a great deal.

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.