"I've really got no complaints." — Bill Engvall

There's a lot of things I believe in this world. I believe in God, I believe in the United States of America, and I support and believe in the Second Amendment.

I'm a big animal fanatic.

I am feeling older every day.

I don't do politics, I don't do religion, I don't do ethnic jokes.

I'm from Texas. You would think my biggest draw would be in that state. But my biggest draw is Pennsylvania.

I hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that just say, 'I'm stupid.'

I haven't been really nervous about a gig in a long time.

To be honest with you, I still eat whatever I want. It's all about portion control. I still love pizza, but instead of eating half, I eat a slice.

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I've really got no complaints.