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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
