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Millennials don't go to rallies.

- Alexandra Petri
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Author:
Alexandra Petri
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Millennials
Rallies
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I am a millennial. Destruction is all I know. I no longer care what I wipe from the face of the Earth.

Awkward is a state of being.

All the weird inconveniences of adult life that you thought they made up to lend excitement and color to episodes of 'Sex and the City' are, in fact, real.

Obama isn't funny.

Once, as my New Year's Resolution, I telephoned the Extenze Male Enhancement hotline every day for a month.

Harvard prides itself on its diversity - economic, racial, social, geographical - but it remains intellectually segregated. It's not what conservative commentators seem to imagine - a bastion of liberal professors force-feeding radical opinions to a naive student body.

Standup comedy was my weird hobby. I would drag my poor parents out to the only open mics that were in coffee shops instead of bars. I'd get up and go, 'Hi, I'm 17, and I have jokes about matriculation!' At the time I was like, 'Why is no one laughing?'

You do not get gold stars for cleaning your toilet. In actual life, there is a depressing lack of stickers.

When police are shutting down cameras, it is a sign that they know the truth is not going to be kind to them.

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Millennials don't go to rallies.

Millennials don't go to rallies.

Millennials don't go to rallies.

Millennials don't go to rallies.

Millennials don't go to rallies.

Millennials don't go to rallies.

Millennials don't go to rallies.

Millennials don't go to rallies.

Millennials don't go to rallies.

Millennials don't go to rallies.

Millennials don't go to rallies.

Millennials don't go to rallies.

Millennials don't go to rallies.

Millennials don't go to rallies.

Millennials don't go to rallies.