I am a millennial. Destruction is all I know. I no longer care what I wipe from the face of the Earth.
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Awkward is a state of being.
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All the weird inconveniences of adult life that you thought they made up to lend excitement and color to episodes of 'Sex and the City' are, in fact, real.
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Obama isn't funny.
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Once, as my New Year's Resolution, I telephoned the Extenze Male Enhancement hotline every day for a month.
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Harvard prides itself on its diversity - economic, racial, social, geographical - but it remains intellectually segregated. It's not what conservative commentators seem to imagine - a bastion of liberal professors force-feeding radical opinions to a naive student body.
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Standup comedy was my weird hobby. I would drag my poor parents out to the only open mics that were in coffee shops instead of bars. I'd get up and go, 'Hi, I'm 17, and I have jokes about matriculation!' At the time I was like, 'Why is no one laughing?'
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You do not get gold stars for cleaning your toilet. In actual life, there is a depressing lack of stickers.
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When police are shutting down cameras, it is a sign that they know the truth is not going to be kind to them.