Comedian

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.

I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.

I saw a stationery store move.

I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time.

I model irregular clothing.

A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist - she did everybody.

I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.

They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.

I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.