Jim Norton

Comedian

100 Quotes

I always wore a hat. They were gonna throw me out of high school because I wouldn't take my hat off. But it was just a deep insecurity about my awful hair.

I hate my hair so much.

I don't worry about the crowds agreeing with me anymore. I want them to laugh and have a good time, but I think they can disagree with you and still enjoy it.

I choose to believe that we are addicted to the rush of being offended, the idea of it, rather than believing we have become a nation of emasculated children whose only defense against an abyss of emotional agony is a trigger warning.

I once had a therapist fall asleep on me. That really wrecks your self-esteem.

I don't have jokes that I can't defend.

I get bored really fast.

I figure I do a lot of things, none of them particularly well.

I date but nothing really long term. I haven't had much luck. I probably haven't met the right woman. Most probably know to stay away from me.

If I leave the mike in the stand, my hands absolutely move more. I'm not sure if it's a conscious thing.

I'm afraid if I start to enjoy life, the rug will be yanked out from beneath me.

I'm not really great at writing things down unless for a roast or a particular event.

Regular people are the problem. It's not the government, it's not the invasive Big Brother, it's the fact that we're a nation of snitches and nosey people who then cry when somebody wants our personal information. I'm talking about people who are being voyeuristic to people's privacy.

Language in comedy is very violent.

Being 'edgy' is not just cursing. There are some things socially that are just not acceptable to make fun of. Anything with race, they really won't let you do on TV unless it's completely soft.

I don't think any comedy is ever shocking. I don't buy that. That's just what people brand it, when someone is saying something they don't like.

Google is not my friend. I've been way too open in my career. Google has killed any shot I have on the dating apps.

I'm boring. I really don't do much.

You know, Americans think that they're such progessive and free thinkers, but we're as uptight as any other country when it comes to speech and language and content.

Everyone has a reason why their particular sacred cow is the sacred cow to be honored.

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