I don't like jokes.

Directing a movie is serious, it's not a joke.

Once I took to Twitter and shared those jokes, they became a huge hit. My following grew, and some of the posts got thousands of retweets. With so many shares, money from sponsors followed.

I'm really bad at writing jokes.

I've still got a bit of angst about campaigning for a particular party. I want to write jokes about whoever I want without toeing a party line.

I use mother-in-law jokes, kid jokes, tax jokes - anything that works.

Some comics don't like it when people talk during the set, and it does get a little bit annoying after awhile, but I basically let people dictate what jokes I'm going to do.

I say things I get away with, and it becomes a joke.

I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.

If I can't face my accusers, that's a joke. We did that in medieval times.

I was an athlete growing up and I miss that. I miss hanging out with dudes and making raunchy jokes and telling stories, trading details, you know? There's something I really miss about that.

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

You've really got to start hitting the books because it's no joke out here.

The moment you think of a joke is the best moment.

I think you can safely joke about anything. Mostly.

Implying women are too weak to take a joke is *implicitlty* sexist, and ridiculous.

Richard Pryor - he had stories, he had characters, he had short jokes, and he had bits. He had all those things. Eddie Murphy has all those things, and he can sing. A comedian is a bunch of stuff; it's not just one area.

Every comedian feels out an audience. As you're telling jokes, if they're not laughing at this, you change the subject.

My biggest superhero of writing is Jorge Luis Borges, the Argentine fabulist. He's an amazingly perceptive writer, but also willing to make a joke.

For 35 years, I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren't funny. Some of them weren't appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that.