I can't crack jokes because I don't have any.

I love the cat-lady jokes.

My least favorite joke right now is Donald Trump.

I'm very careful not to tell a joke just to get a reaction.

If I can relate to the joke, it's going to be funny.

I'm not even really a joke-teller. I can do ad-lib and banter, but I don't do jokes.

I am constantly the butt of jokes.

The joke in aviation is, 'If you want to make a million, you'd better start with ?10m.'

The one and only thing that every comic agrees on is that you do not steal jokes.

I've been in the industry for 15 years, and I knew all the pieces that needed to be included to make a series. It wasn't just about writing characters, it wasn't just about writing a funny joke.

This is the joke of me being a part of 'Lost': I haven't met three-quarters of that cast.

When I was younger, I listened to the greats: Winters, Mel and Carl, Nichols and May, Pryor, Carlin, Klein, Berman and lots of Lenny Bruce albums. But once I started doing fairly well, I didn't want to hear anybody's jokes or premises.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

If I go play golf with the guys, it's intended to be a joke.

I definitely have friends who gave me a tag for a joke I already had. Like, 'Here's another line.' A tag is, 'Oooooh, it's an industry term.' It's like, there's the punchline, and a tag is like a secondary punchline.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

Ten comics can say the same joke, and I'm the one who gets called a thief.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.

I think as a blonde person with make-up on, you're automatically the punchline to the joke.

The joke newspaper, it says Canada abandons the monarchy.